Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
