Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize