At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
