you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
