Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
