I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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