We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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