Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
