it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
