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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize