ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
