I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
