now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
