How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
