I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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