I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
