bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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