i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
