i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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