What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
