she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
