oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
