What a fucking waste of an outfit
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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