addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
