You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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