i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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