I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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