Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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