We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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