I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Green mimosas i think yes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
