just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
