She said her name was "party"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So squirting runs in the family.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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