he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She bit a glass in half.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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