thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize