she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
