He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
