I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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