answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
