Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
