When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
