I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
