i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
