I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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