so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
