i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
