all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
