Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
