WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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