If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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