Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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