it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
