ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
