what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize