What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
