HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
