Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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