I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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