Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize