If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
