the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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