And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
