Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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