So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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