i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
