I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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