morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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