But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
