There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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