uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have demons in me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
