just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You made out with two different species that night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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