UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
