jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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