don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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