Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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