Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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