There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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