If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So squirting runs in the family.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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