Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
