I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
