she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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