Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
