she smelled like a LAN party
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
