Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
