I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
