we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
