I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
