well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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