He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
