I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
