So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
