Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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