Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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