Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
