When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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