I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
