She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
