he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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