but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
