Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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