I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
