Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
