Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry MyWife hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(469): View more from Texas

She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke

Fav 15 1179 4833
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me

Fav 13 5686 1558
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

Fav 4 957 1885
share tweet
(980): View more from North Carolina

Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

Fav 12 2954 969
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

That was beautiful.

Fav 4 1793 1294
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen

Fav 2 744 1107
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.

Fav 5 1644 735
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.

Fav 0 121 164
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".

Fav 0 27 68
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT