Sponge bath it is.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
