I'm so fucking centered right now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i dont even know how to be here
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
