i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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