do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
two words...techno handjob
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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