A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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