The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just pynch a tree in the face
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
