matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
