So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
