he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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